


little things

by artsyleo



Series: comfortember 2020 [29]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Cute, Domestic Fluff, Embarrassment, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Music, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, like really light but it's there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:48:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27788509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo
Summary: comfortember prompt day 29 - make/build/create something beautifulwhen they're preparing to move out together ben finds something old of callum's
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: comfortember 2020 [29]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995826
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	little things

It’s when they’re both packing up their things into boxes, various parts of their lives strewn across two different houses, two different places on the square, that Ben finds it for the first time. It feels weird, the fact that they’ve got so much here- that packing it all away would take so long. It’s like wrapping up loose ends of the previous stage of their lives, in preparation for the next one. It’s not even as if they’re moving that far away- they’ve got a little flat just outside of Walford, walking distance from the square because neither of them could bear to go  _ that  _ far away. It’s still a change though, and that’s scary enough as it is. This, though- it feels like tracing back so far in their relationship, seeing just how many ties they have to this place, and it’s so much more than Ben had even expected, if he’s honest. It’s therapeutic in a way, seeing that as much as it’s hard to believe sometimes he’s got a real place here, has made a real impact. 

He’s just clearing up the backs of one of Callum’s old cupboards when he finds a little green book shoved between one of the panels. It’s caught there, covered in dust like it’s not been touched in a while. He pulls it out though, intrigued. It’s prettier than he expects it to be- a dark green leather binding off-white pages together, marked maybe by the amount of time that it’s existed here without use, coloured with all sorts of marks of life. There’s a single letter printed into the front in gold- a single  _ H _ in a simple font, just catching the fading sunlight when Ben holds it up. He doesn’t remember ever seeing it before and he’s intrigued but he’s trying his best not to be nosy so he just flicks through a couple of pages quickly. It seems like every one is almost filled with scrawled black handwriting that’s oddly familiar at a glance. It takes willpower he definitely doesn’t have but he doesn’t look any further into it, just drops it to the floor next to him to remind himself to ask later, and keeps sorting their lives into boxes. 

Callum walks back into the room, soft steps of padded feet on carpet and stops just beside Ben. 

“God, where did you find  _ that _ ?”

Ben looks up at him with a little smile, and catches Callum’s gaze on the little book that’s still laying beside him on the carpet. He’s pretty much done with packing now, so he turns himself where he’s sat to face Callum, offering the book to him. 

“Trapped in the back of the cupboard- why, is it yours? Don’t think I’ve ever seen it before,” he says, trying - and probably failing desperately - not to sound desperately curious. Callum smiles a little and takes the book in gentle hands as if it’s precious. 

“Oh, yeah, yeah it’s mine. From a long time ago,” he says, almost whispers, flicking through the pages carefully. “Forgot it was still around here.” 

Callum opens it up, and falls to sit on the bed just next to Ben’s head, transfixed for a minute on the contents of the book. 

“What is it?” Ben says eventually, curiosity getting the best of him. 

“It, uh,” Callum starts then stops, and Ben can feel the way he’s hesitating. 

“You don’t have to say if you don’t want to,” Ben says and he means it, even if curiosity burns through him even stronger at Callum’s reaction. 

“No it’s just, uh,” he starts up again, taking a shaky breath. “From a long time ago.” 

He breathes again, a little shaky and careful and on instinct Ben’s hand comes up to his knee to rest there, hoping that it’s some form of comfort. Instead, Callum ends up slipping off the edge of the bed so that they’re sitting shoulder to shoulder. 

“I used to write stuff in here, a long time ago. Before you,” he says, and it makes Ben’s heart race that  _ he  _ has had enough impact on the other man that he’s a stage in his life, a defining point. “Chris gave me the book, when we were still in the army. I used to get these nightmares sometimes, or get homesick. He used to tell me to try and write stuff in there but it never really clicked. We, uh, we were sat around a campfire once though. We’d all had a bit to drink and they dared me to- to sing something.” 

Callum pauses and smiles a little, looks down into his lap and the book held carefully between two hands. It’s endearing beyond belief and Ben doesn’t push, leaving the other man to his memories for a minute. 

“I- I don’t know why I did it really, now that I think about it. But I’d been writing stuff in here, and maybe I was drunk or something but I sang some of the stuff I wrote. Sounds stupid now, I know.” 

“Hey, come on. It’s not stupid,” Ben smiles, offering a hand out to Callum. He takes it, and their fingers intertwine. “It’s stupidly cute, you know.” 

Callum laughs and turns back to Ben, blush full force across his cheeks. “Yeah?” 

“Of course, Cal, almost everything you do is cute,” he replies, and it’s the bare truth and it makes Callum blush even more. “So is that what you’ve got in there then?” 

“Oh, yeah,” he says, gaze falling back to the book. “It- helped. I don’t know why, but it did. So I kept doing it, whenever I couldn’t think straight or I was having a bad day or something. I’ve never really done anything with it, they’re not really  _ songs, _ but I’ve kept it ever since.” 

Ben takes a breath, lets the admission sit in the silence for a minute because he knows this kind of thing is often hard for Callum to talk about, especially if it involves Chris. 

“That’s ridiculously sweet, you know. I love hearing stuff about you back then, before we met,” Ben says, squeezing Callum’s hand a little. “How come you’ve never had it out in front of me, then?” 

Callum blushes even more, if it’s even possible, and his gaze falls back to his lap. “I got shy about it. And, uh- I haven’t needed it much since we got together.” 

The admission takes a minute to sink into Ben’s mind but when it does, when he realises exactly what it means and the impact that he’s apparently had on the man next to him it makes his heart race. 

“Do you think it’s silly?” Callum asks after a minute, insecurity mixed into a quiet voice, almost not there but Ben just knows him too well not to see the question for what it really is. 

“Not at all,” he replies, confident because Callum needs the confidence, needs the reassurance that there’s nothing wrong with this. “You can sing to me anytime, if you want to.” 

He says it as a half-joke, expecting Callum to just laugh it off and move on but he pauses, looking back down at the book contemplatively. 

“I ain’t singing to you,” he says, and it makes Ben’s heart race when he feels the  _ not yet  _ that’s left unsaid. “But you can read this if you want, as long as you promise not to laugh at me.” 

“Never,” Ben says, absolute confidence. Callum flicks to a couple of pages near the back of the book, looking over it a minute before he hands it open to Ben. 

The handwriting is familiar but then again of course it is, because it’s  _ Callum _ . Everything about the man is familiar, even when they’d still been getting to know each other- as if they’d fallen in love before, in another life. 

The words are scrawled there, filling up two pages. They’re lyrics, and he can almost hear a tune to them in his head. He’s never exactly been  _ mad  _ about music, but he reckons he’d be mad about anything Callum could do. 

The words- they’re too much for someone like Ben, and he doesn’t feel worthy. His name is scrawled at the top of the page, messy and nervous, and the words talk of falling in love, of meeting someone that you’re just meant to be with. It makes his eyes fill up because no one’s  _ ever  _ done anything like this for him. He doesn’t think he’ll ever feel quite worthy to be loved just as much as Callum is offering, but then he reckons it might be the same the other way around too, and maybe that’s just how they are, how they’ll grow together. 

He can’t say anything for at least a minute after he’s finished reading, left completely speechless. He’s knocked out of it when Callum coughs a little from beside him, shifting nervously. 

“Cal- that’s  _ beautiful _ . Fuck- I love you so much.” 

It’s all he can say, can’t put everything to words so he leans over to press a kiss to the other man’s lips instead, hoping desperately that everything he wants to convey comes across. The way Callum kisses him back, he reckons that it does. 

When they pull apart Ben shifts a hand up to stroke over Callum’s jaw and when Callum’s hand comes up to cover it all he can watch is the way their wedding rings catch the light together. It’s a sight that he’s still not used to- one that he’s not sure he’ll ever really be used to. 

“I love you too, Ben. Thanks for not, uh, laughing at me,” Callum grins, somewhat sheepishly. 

“I wouldn’t, Cal. I promise. It’s really really sweet,” Ben replies and the smile that falls across Callum’s face is so sweet that he has to lean in and kiss him again. 

In that moment, he’s so much less scared for the future that comes when they’ve packed up all of their boxes from the square. In that moment, it feels possible. 

In that moment, he’s blindly, madly,  _ truly _ , in love. 

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know if this makes any sense because again its like 2am but i just love these boys and how fuckin in love they are and the idea of callum being a singer hhh i just love it sorry   
> comments and kudos mean the world to me and i hope you enjoyed, lots of love   
> leo x (artsy-highway on tumblr)


End file.
